This Little Thing

Hello whoever is actually reading this,


I am going through something I've never experienced before. Throughout most of my life I've been very oblivious to what I do, with myself, and my actions. I've realized that I've relied on people. Just to have someone to be there, and hopefully give me something I felt was missing. And in doing this, been disappointed many different times. I find myself to be a selfless person for the most part. In some ways, I would agree, it could be argued. And I really don't mind doing things for people. But recently I've come to a point of realization. I'm not doing things for myself that are essential to me living a better life.

I used to worry, sometimes obsess, about how I was going to deal with something or even somebody. I would worry, and hold myself accountable for things that had happened. But I realize now that it's about just taking things as they come. Not trying to place what I want to happen, but somehow confidently deal with what has happened. I want to take the coincidences, speed bumps and everything I can from a relationship, or situation, and make it what I want it to be.

I have such great plans for myself, but I'm not investing the time to make them happen. I believe it's not okay to be given a blessing, and not show it's been given for some reason. I say this, but I'm not living like it. I love music. It's given me a life when I felt I had none. It found me, I didn't have to search for it. And so far, I've been lazy and neglect to remember that. I go around, relying on people to give me the training and a path to take. Well, I want it to stop now. I know now if I want to change something, my success will be dependent on how I use the accessible power I have over the situation. I understand that there are some situations I will not be able to control. And I make the promise, to myself, that I'm going to grasp what was once known as inconceivable. That there are some things I will experience as a mortal, human being that have no explanation. Things that no person has control over. And now it's about taking the things I've realized, and looking at them in that perspective.

So with that, I'm going to work harder for what I want. Because if everyone I've ever known was gone, I would be all I have. So I need to know that I can rely on myself. And that is what I'm trying to figure out right now. I have been given the blessing of friendship, and it's something I value with music. Music has brought me many of those friendships. So I need to take those friendships and make the most I can out of them. And in doing so, not place all of the responsibility and blame upon myself. Some of my friends have been more than just a friendly face. They trusted me, cared for me, and were honest with me. They saw the way I was dealing with problems and situations wasn't the best way for me to go on in life. So they did the best thing we can do as human beings. They taught me something different, and changed my life completely. And for that, they have a permanent place in my being.

I love life, and I'm ready to make it what I want it.